I struggle strongly with dealing with the “love” I’ve been shown my entire life. It has always been violent, manipulative, and aggressive.
I’m strong willed and mind, and I say that in the most humble way possible. I mean to say that I’m fine, and I lived my life without regretting the people I’ve let show me that kind of love, or hating them.
It’s not until I’ve been shown a very kind love, the opposite of everything I’ve known, that I’ve struggled with it. I have no idea how to love him properly in return. I’m used to flinching when someone raises their voice and moves towarda me. I’m used to screaming when I get mad because that was the only way I’ve ever been heard, I’m used to running away when the fights get bad because otherwise I would get hurt. I’m used to assuming the worst, because its always been right. And acting this way, without me realizing it, has become instinct. Something alot stronger then my rational thoughts and throws them out the window. I feel like my actions are toxic to this person.
Can anyone help me?
*Slaps my shitty 5 foot something body* this piece of shit mothefucker can fit so mcuh Love
I hate subtlety. Why cant I just text you 800 times till you answer? I hate waiting, and overthinking, and sulking and all those pesky emotions that bug me while you dont answer
I never realized how much someone else’s love could heal you until someone held me down while I screamed and cried, and swore at them to let me go, and they still told me they loved me. When all you know is the back of someone’s hand to your cheek, it’s hard to imagine someone could only ever want to touch you lovingly. I couldn’t be more thankful.
“I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become her.”—
Kaci Diane
“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”—
Lora Mathis
